i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm just crazy horny about you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
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He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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