Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
