sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
