I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
