3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
