Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
