I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
