i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
