How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
