did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
