im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So many bounce houses so little time
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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