i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
