Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
