I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
