The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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