Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
