not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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