Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
