Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
