i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We need to get me chipped asap
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
