if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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