my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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