I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
