is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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