I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
