pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
