I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
