Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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