I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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