we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
