i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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