Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
