There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
