So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
