actually, I'm a sock model
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
