sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'd cum for enchiladas.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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