She is in my trunk
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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