so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
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I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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