I molested 6 butterflies tonight
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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