I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
