just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
