i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
