I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
