Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
