3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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