Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
