And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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