Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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