My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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