there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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