They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
