good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
