there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have feelings that need drinking.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
