the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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