I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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