Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
