I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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