Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
