Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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