Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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