He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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