she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
