So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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