Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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