M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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